Immediate & Near Future Plans

Ok so I have been thinking. I will officially be a stay at home mom in 2 days. I can imagine a hundred things to do, a hundred ways to pass the time. Other than being full-time with Elil, there is so much to do at home. We moved into our new home in November last year, that makes it 3 months. Progress has been slow. But slow is better than rushed. And so I have come up with a list of things to do (things I can do given my current state) at home:

1. I'd really like to complete my pond/waterfall project. The pond is there, the hole has been dug. We have the pump. The plants have been selected and await replanting. Only thing missing is manpower. I don't have the strength to do it alone. Hubs doesn't seem too interested (when he does have the time) and well its been raining mad lately. So I have decided to put this on-hold till my mom is in town. If you don't know Aunty Phil, mom = manpower + feedback + pond-making experience.

2. Paint Elil's playroom. I have a post on this in my HOME blog, you can check it out here. This project may take a while. I'll need to first determine the colors I will need, then get hubs to go out and get the paint. We'll need a big amount of pastel green and blue and probably just small cans of the other colors for the animals, etc. Secondly, I can only work on this when Elil is asleep or away. We're supposed to move the angel and her little sister (yes another angel on the way) in here when they are a little older, but it seems with all the toys (and plans I have for the room) there may not been enough space. Hubs is going to pull a fit.

3. Chair refurbishing. We have these really old wooden single seater frames from my in-laws. They are over 30 years old. We're currently working on stripping the paint off to expose the original wood grains. I want to either shellack it over or use some sort of wood oil to bring out the original shine/grain of the wood. Then all I need to do is get the cushions re-upholstered (in white) and voila, brand new retro seats! I saw something similar in a magazine and feel in love with it. So I am anxiously waiting to see the end result.

4. Shopping. I really need to use the extra time I will have to look for extra knick-knacks to decorate my home. It's quite bare at this moment. My walls are blank and we have only the basic furniture. My home is a work in progress. But I am in no rush. It's more rewarding and meaningful when you collect beautfiul pieces be it a huge sofa or a small ornament here and there instead of having an insta-house. It's nice too when hubs grabs souvenirs from different parts of the world. Finding the right place for each item is also very important. So like I said...work in progress.

5. Create a work schedule for Mon (and myself too). Right now she doesn't have a fixed schedule from me because she is shuttled from my place to my in-laws daily. And well there is very little time left for her to clean up our home. So I give her freedom in cleaning the house as she sees fit. Of course there will be comments from me every now and then. However, I do let a lot of things slide.

6. Hit the gym (or some form of exercise) after my confinement. This is the year where I intend to keep my health in check. My mother told me on New Year's that she started serious exercising (gym/yoga/jogging/hill-climbing) at the age of 30 and has continued to do so till today. I turn 30 this year and if ever I have a new year's resolution, I guess this would be it! To focus on my health (and to get hubs to do the same).

7. Make friends. Going to work. Spending all my time outside of work with Elil. Trying to make-up for all that lost time. Has turned me into a hermit. No life outside being a mother and a wife. I know this seems impossible now that our 2nd baby is on the way but I am determined to have a balanced life. Where I take care of my personal needs as well. And that includes having friends, be it my beer chicas (can't be doing the beer thing anytime soon though) or other young mamas around the KL area.

8. Spending more quality/alone time with the hubby. Again this seems impossible with no. 2 on the way. But we'll make it happen, at least for the next 3 months! I know he longs to just hang out like we used to before our boo boo came along. We'll do more hanging out, watching movies, going to mamak, and all that.

9. Learning more recipes from my mother-in-law. Hubs is used to Indian food. He can't do without and it needs it daily practically. So will be popping by the in-laws to embrace the world of Indian (or maybe just Mrs. Bala's) cuisine.

10. Try out Bento-ing. I have most of the tools but have yet to test them out. I will probably try something simple. But honestly I see myself doing this regularly only when Elil starts pre-school. I doubt she will know how to fully appreciate the yummy beauty of it until then. We'll see how it goes.

Thank You

You always find ways to touch me in mass every Sunday. And I feel refreshed by Your messages; Your soft prompting. As the weeks go by, trials find their way into my days, some in the form of little disputes with the hubby, others in life altering experiences or devastating news and it takes its toll on me. But I have learned in the the past year or so, to always try (sometimes that human nature in me gets in the way) to surrender to You. And to place You in every picture, every event no matter how small. Not once have You disappointed me. Not once have You failed me. And well this has been Your promise from the begining, no? And so last Sunday, you uplift my weary soul again through the words of this beautiful song....

Thank you, Lord,
for the trials that come my way.
In that way I can grow each day
as I let you lead,
And thank you, Lord,
for the patience those trials bring.
In that process of growing,
I can learn to care.

But it goes against the way
I am to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all I do.

'Cause when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting
can be easily ignored.


I thank you, Lord,
with each trial I feel inside,
that you're there to help,
lead and guide me away from wrong.
'Cause you promised, Lord,
that with every testing,
that your way of escaping is easier to bear.

But it goes against the way
I am to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all I do.

'Cause when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting
can be easily ignored.


I thank you, Lord,
for the victory that growing brings.
In surrender of everything
life is so worth while.
And I thank you, Lord,
that when everything's put in place,
out in front I can see your face,
and it's there you belong.

And so I thank You Lord for the trials that come my way. Thank You. Thank You for my crosses to bear. In each I will grow stronger in You.

Amen.

OMG I had to post this immediately!

For you ladies who have experienced pretty bad morning sickness, check this out. I got it from Baby Center.

I seem to be salivating more than usual since I got pregnant. Is this normal?
Some women feel as though they're salivating more than usual during pregnancy, especially when they're nauseated. A few women have so much saliva they end up needing to spit to deal with it. Excessive salivation is called ptyalism or sialorrhea and is more common among women suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum, a severe form of morning sickness.

OMG it's actually called SIALORRHEA! How appropriate!

It was good when it was good. But good has long passed.

It's been seriously playing in my mind for the longest time now. About 6 months I might say. I have thought and thought about it. Wondered if it should be done. And 2 months ago I decided, yes it must be done. There is no hope for you anymore. The wounds will not heal in this place. I thought we could patch things up, maybe it would improve with the change. But no, we need to cut off ties. "Not now but in time", I said to myself. When? Nah, I give you till May 2009! "Hang in there Pu, you can do it!", I remind myself again. Since then, I've just been spiralling down. It's been hard keeping myself together on a daily basis. A constant struggle to stop myself from going mad. I need to let you go, cut you off for good. You are toxic to me and are not worth my time or effort. But still I have been hanging on, trying so hard to keep it together. I have my many reasons for hanging on, or trying to. Alas, the last thread has torn. And I am falling. You drain me. You bring me down. You make me feel like the dimness of your pea brain, like the stench of your filthy being, like the ego that has made you ugly, like the phony person you are, like the evil pride that consumes you, like the age catching up with you, like the racism that runs through your veins. I want to say I hate you. But I dont. Really. You just suck so bad you make me sick.

And so terday, (with blessings) I bid you farewell. Farewell for good. You smiled and gave me an exaggerated "Thank you!". Almost as if it was in your plan to drive me away. I am sure it was. Congratulations to you then, you succeed! You can have your victory dance with your clan in your next gathering. And with that I know for sure I made the right choice. I know it would have been unhealthy to hang on to something that was struggling to shake me off. Oh, how thick my face is sometimes. Great relief is what I feel now. About 20 kg's lighter too. But still I have my anxieties. Remember, I hung on so long for a reason! What lies for us in the future, only God knows. And so I will let Him guide me.

Goodbye P.H. and S.S.I. Goodbye.

It's been a while

Too much has happend. Hard to find the time to recap. So here are some random shots from Christmas in KK. Wonderful, magical... as usual.

Cuzzins nennen time togeder-geder

Elil opened her Christmas gifts early Christmas morning coz she was fast asleep by the time we got back from mass.

She especially loves her dolly she lovingly named Elil. A gift from Aunty Ots. And her stroller from Aunty Pu Nie.

After a bit, she chucked baby Elil out of her stroller then went strolling baby-less.

"I don't want to come out mummy!"

"We want to bring Grandma's pond back to KL with us!!" said Shan, Elil & Ron.

Elil playing with the gayung the whole time. I can't understand the fascination.

Ron-Ron was in a fit when picked out from the water.

Shan here standing on water. Cool shot babe!

"Oh gayung-gayung how do I love thee...."

Elil merajuk while getting ready for Christmas mass. After a super long and hectic day.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I've been MIA

I really need to blog. I know. Just give me a while longer.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Blue Mummy Moment

I'm pretty much done with the first trimester. The morning sickness is showing signs of improvement but I don't seem to be getting my energy back. I still feel like a heavy sack of potatoes. All I want to do is sleep sleep sleep. I really need my energy back so I can go back to being the mother I once was to Elil and the wife my husband needs. It is so hard to get out of bed in the mornings. Elil has been waking up more during the night not so much for nennen but dreams or nightmares. When I return from work I have some energy in me to spare Elil. On Monday we played bubbles outside then she helped water the plants, more of like main air. She was so impressed with mummy's instant water fountain. And yesterday, I put her in the sling and we walked about the neighborhood. Visited the kids behind the house from Rumah Keluarga Kami. Really sweet, well-behaved bunch. I don't know if the carrying Elil around in a sling was a good idea because I could not straighten my back for a while after. By 7 in the evening though I feel like collapsing and never getting up again.

Nowadays Elil is back to her usual routine of sleeping by 9:30 - 10:00 pm most nights. I think this is a healthy time. Gives us mummy and daddy enough time with her before she's out for the night. Lately I have not been able to stay awake long enough to put her to bed. Most nights daddy is the one keeping an eye on her as she falls asleep. Mummy is right there fast asleep. Oh I feel so horrible about it. I don't play with her like I used to. I have to force myself to feed her dinner, giving her a bath takes so much energy, even washing her bum-bum is tiring. I feel like such a lousy mother. And I only have 6 months left with Elil before I have to start 'sharing'. I want to give her everything before then, all my time all my energy. But my body is not cooperating. As it is, most my time is spent away from her. I hate it. This isn't how it should be.

I want to be able to watch her wake up in the mornings. Prepare and feed her meals. Bath her and brush her teeth. Play with her, teach her. I want to be the one to teach her new words and hear her speak them for the first time. I want her to cling to me and know that I am always there with her. I want to make Bento meals for her and watch her amazement as she sees my creations. I want to clean her cd's and chuck 'em in the machine. I want to sing to her and listen to her sing with me before she dozes off for her afternoon nap. I want to be more of a mother, I want to be involved in more things. I don't want to hear it from someone else her achievements that day. I want to be the one telling the story to daddy.

And now with #2 on the way, it just takes away what little time I have with Elil to begin with. I feel like I'm neglecting her. I feel like I'm not there enough. And it sucks. It really sucks. I hate it. I rally hate it. *Sigh*